Pre-surgery obsessing

I’ve decided to buy stock in Walgreens. Seems like every month they get more and more of my money. I had a couple monthly prescriptions to pick up today plus the ones for before and after surgery. Oh and some special soap to wash with.  I’m used to the soap thing (hibiclens) – they always make you wash with that the morning of your surgery.

This time though, things are different.  This time I have to wash with it the morning and night before and the morning of surgery. Weird. I also have to take a blood thinner the night before and beginning 3 days before twice a day I have to use some ointment up my noise. Yea, you put this stuff on a q-tip and shove it up your nose…maybe to inhibit the presence of MRSA if any is there? I don’t actually know. All I know is I paid a lot of money today to Walgreens.

This afternoon our admin at work e-mailed me to let me know the surgeons office STILL has not faxed over my info about surgery…which means I can’t get official sick leave unless I give her that.  URGH.  I went to call his office and my phone beeped and it was his office calling me.  Weird.  Anyway the doctors’ assistant was calling to change my surgery time, which had been scheduled for 11:30 to 12:30.

It’s not a huge deal, only an hour. Plus that means my dad can take his time getting up to Alexandria to pick me up in morning traffic. I don’t have to be at the hospital until 10:30 and that commute in the morning is rough…so the later the better as far as I’m concerned.  I joked with her that I was pleased with the time change because it gave me more time to sleep in to which she replied ‘I really doubt you’ll be sleeping in that morning or that night at all.’
CORRECT

The last two nights have been hell on my body. I haven’t been sleeping and I’m in so much frickin pain I would punch a random stranger for an hour of pain free time.

My best friend called the other night to talk about surgery, I was there to help take care of her after her hip replacement 2 years ago so when I started bawling my eyes out on the phone (I’ve been really emotional here lately…rather annoying) she was a calm voice.  She told me that as bad as the pain is right now (which is the worst it’s ever been) that the day after surgery I won’t remember having any hip pain at all. Like having a baby kind of. Although I’ve not only never given birth, I’ve never been pregnant so I can’t begin to fathom that pain.

God, I have a headache.

Seriously, this surgery thing is driving my usual rate of stress up ultra-high. I’ve been completely obsessed with:

  • Catching a cold beforehand
  • Getting a cut and contracting some flesh eating disease before surgery or during my hospital stay
  • Finishing up one of my big projects
  • Making sure I have delegated all my job duties appropriately and that I leave no task unfinished. CRIPES…I only have 1 work day next week!
  • Making sure my apartment is super extra clean for my dad (who will stay with me a day or so) and also because the nurse and physical therapist will be coming. Also should any visitors come by, I need it extra clean. And as clean and tidy as I keep things, this week I’ve felt so rotten it looks terrible in here.
  • Not falling and breaking a hip
  • Going to shopping with my niece tomorrow to buy her dress for the Daddy-daughter dance. I won’t be able to drive and the dance is in 2 weeks.
  • Ordering groceries. I still don’t have a definitive list.
  • Pain. More pain. And more pain.
  • What if something goes wrong during surgery? I know my surgeon is supposed to be extremely good but…what if?  WHAT IF THE ANESTHESIA DOESN’T TAKE???  I always obsess about that though. Ever since I read a story about it as a teen where some percentage of people feel every single thing, but they’re paralyzed and can’t say anything but they feel it.  GAHHH

That pretty much covers it.  I need to figure out how to relax.

So yesterday I weighed myself, I’d lost 5 pounds since the weekend. Then this morning, 5 MORE POUNDS.  WTF? I know I haven’t felt good but that’s a lot of weight in one day. I’m sure tomorrow I’ll be up those same 5. Not like 5 pounds makes that big a deal. Except with my favorite jeans which seriously do not fit. I wore them to the pharmacy and tripped all over the hems. Ridic.

I’m sure any weight loss will make my surgeon happy. He didn’t say I had to lose weight before surgery but I know that the more I lose the better in general.  He did say if I *wanted* to I could put surgery off and try to lose some but he felt like it was only a matter of time before I was completely crippled.  YES doc, I understand.  Oh did I mention my surgeon is pretty damn good looking? And TALL. TALL.  Every man at the practice I saw was both attractive and without wedding band. Not that it means anything, but it was weird

Anyway I’m at the lowest weight I ever remember being.  Crazy.  And to think I owe it all to being stressed out. Wish I’d discovered that in my 20s. During my last appointment I told him how much I lost in the last year and I think…stay with me here…I think the reason aside from being upset, stressed out, and other things that because of the level of pain I’ve been in makes me burn more calories during even simple tasks. So whereas the commute to my office by metro would have the normal person expend 200 calories, it would be double that for me maybe.
It’s only a theory. Lol.

I haven’t been much in the mood to drink in eons.  The last time I drank was Thanksgiving. But damn I want a chocolate martini. Maybe because I know I’m not allowed to drink before surgery. I should google the reason behind that then make my decisions based on my findings.

I kid; there’s no way I’d risk doing something stupid to myself before surgery. Part of the anxiety about this surgery is just the whole anesthesia and what if something goes wrong story telling I’m doing. After my sister died last year I really am the last one. My parents aren’t going to be around forever (despite me thinking secretly they will) and my niece and nephew need me. Those two needing me in the long run is even more reason to have my hips replaced but the anxiety leading up to it is making me twitchy.

Here’s a question: how come I can’t wear makeup into surgery? All I need is some damn mascara to look human. Maybe some lip gloss.  But at least mascara.
Omg seriously my head feels like it’s going to explode and I’m rambling.  Hopefully this will be my last tirade before the 20th.

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About limpalongwithme

Quasi geek, social butterfly, information sponge, lover of spas and I spend my days dealing with major chronic back and hip pain. Recently diagnosed with dysplastic hips as a grown woman and I need a place to talk about it as I try to move forward.
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2 Responses to Pre-surgery obsessing

  1. Josh says:

    Hang in there…from the sounds of it, you’re almost through it. Sending positive thoughts your way! 🙂

    Josh
    (@dadof2buggys)

  2. Been tracking your progress toward the surgery with interest. Hope it went well and look forward to an update.

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