Broken

I.am.exhausted,

Last weeks appointments at Wound care were fraught with excruciating pain. By the time I left both days I was so weak, so incredibly weak I could barely function. Not sure how to explain the way it makes you feel except t say: barely able to do anything.

Friday the doctor did some debriding (so much my favorite thing and also he discovered some tiny bits of foam and I mean TINY bits that had leached off in the wound.  Not abnormal,  not unexpected but when he showed me some of the pieces I was amazed.

This past Monday I went back to my former pain management doctor. The wound care people felt like with what  have going on that I needed around the cock care. I’ve previously been on a pain patch which worked…a little. I decided to try a new one and also wanted a steroid shot in my left knee…it is definitely causing pain when I walk to the point it sometimes stops me and catches my breath and takes the wind out of my sails.

He decided against any shots so as to not compromise my current treatment and suggested if I got clearance from both my hip surgeon and my wound care doctors then he would do it, otherwise, no go.  He prescribed a new pain patch which (thank God) is cheaper than my last ones. They take 18-24 hours to kick in. Can’t say I notice an enormous difference in pain but my nurse said I seemed less sensitive overall during the foam and wound vac change…so that’s a good thing.

I know I need something for breakthrough pain but as usual I hate to ask for pain meds because I feel like a junkie. But even after my wound appointment Tuesday, I was in so much pain the rest of the day…those are the days I need an extra oomph. It was a bad day all around.

First, my pain patch fell off overnight so I had to start the clock on it again (they’re worn 3 days at a time) when I woke up, put a new one on and then immediately covered it with tegaderm to protect it.

I’ve been super weepy all week, to the point my eyes are swollen and I can hold it together for a few but then I fall apart.  Mostly it’s the knowledge that chronic pain won’t end any time soon.  I’d hoped to have my left hip replaced by this point, but nope. No such luck.  It will be at least a year before my left hip can be done and don’t get me started on my knee or back.

It’s just so draining being broken in so many ways.  One of these days I’ll get used to the hurt, the pain and having my life controlled by it…just not sure when.

Think I’ll crawl under a rock for a few days, come back out when I can face the world without tears and try to move on. This is just going to t take a while as I keep being reminded.  Well, a while sucks.  And I’m tired of not having a shoulder to cry on.  I just want someone (male) who is invested in my happiness to let me lay there with my cyborg hip and cry without saying anything until I fall to sleep. Is that too much to ask?

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About limpalongwithme

Quasi geek, social butterfly, information sponge, lover of spas and I spend my days dealing with major chronic back and hip pain. Recently diagnosed with dysplastic hips as a grown woman and I need a place to talk about it as I try to move forward.
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