The good, the bad, and the ugly
Going to make this quick. My eyes are already tired and I feel my bandage has leaked for the second time today and wet my pants. Wet my pants. There’s something every 40 year old woman want sot think about. At least this is my hip and not coming from someplace else.
Tuesday I went to the lab and had 9 tubes of blood drawn for my pre-surgical blood work. 9! 9 tubes! I can’t believe they took that much and let me leave; swear I needed a cookie and some OJ afterwards. Went home and resumed working and then prayed long and hard that things would be ok for me come Friday.
Between there and Friday, I had a late day appointment to see my GP. Hadn’t seen him since last year and he wanted to adjust one of medications. When he came into the exam room he said “What’s happened to my Pammy?” I just laughed. I was having a very bad day. My body was overly exhausted…well…let me backup. First, all of last week my body felt wrong. Hard to put another word on it. Just. Wrong. By the time I got to the doctors office, I felt awful and was in so much pain breathing was difficult. Of course, no parking spots directly in front of the entrance to his offices. Fudge. I parked at the end of the block…where, the 1 handicap spot was located…what a joke. I opened the door and a man parked next to me, an older gentleman. I stood and then slowly began moving. The man shut his car door then asked if he could assist me to my destination.
“No thank you.”
By the time I got to the doctors office guess who was there? He was signing in. How embarrassing. I signed in, paid my co-pay then sat on the far side of the lobby near the water cooler. Was beginning to think park of my issues was dehydration. I got a cup of water, sat down and then began to fill out some paperwork. I guzzled down the cup of water then promptly dropped the cup and it rolled. I couldn’t see it. I was getting ready to get up when another older man came across the lobby, bent over next to me and retrieved the cup from under my chair.
And then I started crying. I felt bad, I was embarrassed. I felt so inadequate as a person. Can’t do some basic things. I cried silently for a few minutes until I managed to talk myself down off the mental ledge.
I had no idea doctors all corresponded like they do. He said he’d read through a stack of papers about 4 inches thick about me since my hip was replaced. We discussed a lot of things, and talked about the constant teeth grinding. Something has to give. I can (and do) wear a very sexy mouth guard but that just stops me from breaking my teeth, doesn’t do shit to stop the act of teeth grinding and gritting.
He put me on a new medication that should even me out (supposedly quickly although I’m still grinding the hell out of my teeth and can’t sleep at night). I’m trying not to take any additional sleep meds and let this stuff get into my body properly so I can sleep naturally. It’s a hell of a vicious cycle.
Thankfully he gave me a sample and asked me to see him before the end of the month. I told him there was a good chance I would be in the hospital or on bed rest so he said to just call so he could see if he needed to change the new med or change the dosage. Oh and it turned out I was running a fever. I’d had one the day before and had one the next day too. Not sure what was going on but man…it drained me.
Fast Forward to Friday. I woke up feeling very optimistic. Running late, but optimistic nonetheless. Got pissy because the Valet was nowhere to be found. Like…if the valet takes a day off, fine…put up a damn sign. But in this case the valet that works at that entrance is just lazy. I mean, he doesn’t even park my car anymore, just leaves it in front of the hospital. Come on now.
Finally I found a space and despite the fact that my left hip keeps snapping and popping and every step I take makes me want to commit hari kiri I walked to the wound care center.
Nurse Ashley called me back. I could hear the PA Johanna training a new nurse on a few things in the room next door. I stripped down. Several of the nurses came in to say hi. We discussed hair color, vacations, and my progress. All the usual stuff. I was happy my vitals were normal. No fever. BP was abnormally low but not off the charts low. No biggie.
Ashley undressed my wound, cleaned me. She remarked on the level of irritation on my hip…I thought things were looking better but really all I see is the upper part of my hip. It wasn’t until I snapped a pic that I could see what a nightmare of irritation was going on.
Johanna the PA came in to check things out. She asked if I was already scheduled for surgery and I replied yes the 18th even though I was waiting on insurance and lab approval. She went and grabbed my labwork. There apparently was one test that had to be sent out but the rest were back. While a lot of the key items that have been running low, they were still low but HIGHER which means, I’m getting better. So. Lab wise she cleared me for surgery. I was particularly concered (although perhaps I shouldn’t be) about my glucose. I wasn’t fasting but my glucose was 20 points lower than the lowest it should be. That morning, I’d had 2 venti drinks from Starbucks plus a breakfast sandwich. If anything it should be high. Curious. Hopefully it was a fluke.
Johanna asked if she could have the new nurse come take a look at my hip so she could follow my progress, I said yes. Of course then they both proceeded to feel around inside me and TOUCH MY FEMUR and completely gross me out. Bleackkkk. I was seriously about to vomit. Didn’t hurt but it felt weird in this way I can’t really explain. They finished up and Nurse Ashley was left to bandage me up. She bandaged me up so nicely I felt like I was wearing a diaper and a depends on my hip. Of course later in the day I discovered she hadn’t taped up a part near the bottom, missed it totally causing me to leak all over my pants twice and my couch. Ick.
As I was dressing, I asked about what I should do. Did I need to make an appointment, was someone from the scheduler office going to call me, what? A few minutes later Johanna came back to tell me the bad news: Since my surgeon just transferred to VA my insurance has yet to clear him to perform surgery!!! WTF? She said he’s been cleared by all the other insurance companies but not mine. And it’s not like I have ‘Joes pretty good insurance’ I have good insurance. I started tearing up. So…she said he MIGHT be cleared by next week. But it was a waiting game. I told her I couldn’t wait much longer.
And I have to be honest here, I’ve been draining crazy amounts of leakage. I’m at the point where I need to change my bandage twice a day. That’s unacceptable. I can’t handle this much longer. I feel like I’m on the brink of snapping.
Of course, I’m not going to but dealing with this makes every other small thing a huge thing. I’ve cried several times today over stupid things.
I’m just over this all. I’m not looking forward to surgery, a huge scar, massive pain, bedrest. But I’m looking forward to not leaking all over my clothes. I’m looking forward to getting on with my life. I’m so anxiety riddled all the time. Sigh.
So. I guess for now it’s a waiting game. I’ll see them Friday and hopefully they’ll have some good news. Although I do intend to make a few calls tomorrow morning with the insurance company and see if I can rightfully influence them to move along. Otherwise, I’m just stuck in limbo and it’s not fun or cute.